As Dr Seuss says oh the things you will see

Well my freinds this is a crazy and screwed up world we live in . And as i spend my working life as a long haul driver i get to see a side of the world most of you cant see. I see all the citys in North America from the back side. Not the pretty side you see on tv but the real city hiding in the back streets and industrial parks. The true underbelly of the place what i like to call the swub. That means the soft white underbelly. So come along and see our world and the many characters that are hiding in plain site on your highways and roads. my fellow drivers and the supporting staff that keeps them going.

Monday, December 19, 2011


Stick a fork in my ass I am done. I deliver in the morning then off to the airport. Then I will relax and enjoy myself. And spend my time with my family. And that cant happen too soon. So Merry Christmas to you all and enjoy yourself.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Three Down One to Go

Three helicopters delivered to Fort Worth TX. only one more to go. Then I hop on a plane and fly home for Christmas. Oh how sweet it is. I am not sure how to get to my own home as I haven't been there in a while. I seem to recall it is on a dead end street and its on the right hand side. There is a lady and a teen boy in there and I seem to think there was a few cats hanging around. Maybe I should look it up on google earth just so when my sweet pea (wife) picks me up I will look knowledgeable when we get home and I don't walk into the wrong house.
Then for ten days I will be at home before flying back to Texas to finish up this run. So my freinds no posts will be coming your way. I have plans to be working hard at being a super Dad and a master husband. Making some world class Christmas memories for me and my family. So Merry Christmas to you all and I hope you spend it with the ones you love.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

A Ray Of Hope In Arizona

The weather has turned out to be agreeable. Its stopped snowing and the sun has been out for a couple days so even though its not warm the roads are dry and dusty. And that my Friends is a good thing because these helicopters don't weigh that much so on slippery roads they aren't that helpful with traction.
I did see some thing Tuesday that made me laugh. I was driving across New Mexico and it had snowed and Iced over the highways pretty good over night. So needless to say the going was a little slick and a lot slow. About thirty minutes into my drive I passed a semi that had slid off the road over night. The fact he was off the road wasn't the the remarkable thing! NOPE. What made my day and made me split my guts with laughter was the three snow men the driver  made after sliding off the road.
Talk about taking lemons and making lemonade, that's a driver with a healthy outlook. He could have sat in the truck and fumed and raved or he could go outside and play. So he went outside. I wish I could say I would be that way but the truth is I would rage away and never get my snowman. Maybe I should work on that part of my personality.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Winter Sucks!

Well, I'm a freezing on a corner
                                                   in Winslow, Arizona
                                                   and such a cold sight to see
                                                   It's a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed
                                                   Ford slowin' down to throw a snowball at me
                                                        Winter Sucks!!!!!!

Darn tricked again

I was sold a bill of goods that was not true.
They said to me "Hey Don want to spend a month in the heat moving helicopters?"
Me being no fool said sign me up.
Well once again I was proven to be a little foolish.
Just to save all of you the same fate here is the truth about Arizona.
Southern Arizona is an oven. Northern Arizona is not its pretty darn high up.
You could scratch the belly of God from up here.
And in the winter altitude means cold and snow. 
So I have once more learned one of life's little lessons.
And that is to Question everything!
Now the only question that remains is what to do with all the sun screen I brought?

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Well here it is the new truck

Well here she is. Isn't she sexy? Well for a twenty four thousand pound Gal she is not bad. Lets hope she is a good truck who likes to work. Only time will tell until then i get the smell of new truck and that's nice. Speaking of smells why don't they make a bacon air freshener? Mmmmmm bacon.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Busy playing mechanic

Well the new truck has in deed arrived. And the move in process is now over. You would not believe how much one person can cram into a truck. It my Friends is mind Blowing. But the as yet unnamed truck is looking like home. I have done more mechanical work than driving the last week. I get to decommission an older truck that is leaving the fleet. So its a lot of cutting rusty bolts with a cutting torch (fun) the flames and sparks are impressive. And I've only set my self on fire once. For me that's not bad though I have lost most of the skin on my knuckles. My boss may want to send me driving before i burn the shop down or bleed to death.
Well I did get to deliver a load into Port Coquitlam and I was untarping at the customer when I realized there was a prison right next the lot. Some inmates where in the exercise yard looking at me funny and then I realized we where  wearing the same coveralls . A really bright orange they must have thought why would he break out and then untarp a truck. they soon got bored with wondering and started doing cat calls. It felt like I was a woman at a construction site. It was a little creepy put then what the hell at my age I will take the compliment. especially when there is a twenty foot fence between us.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Heading to Seattle Wa. to pick up a new truck

The early Christmas has arrived. Tomorrow I am picking up the new truck. And I am excited.
The smell of a new truck is great. I just hope she is  good tempered as I will have to spend
the next two or three years with her. Yes trucks have personality's just like people. Yeah weird I know but true. Some are happy to work and some are shop Queens who are always breaking down.
And yes all trucks are female. Do you think drivers want to spend all their time with a boy truck?
Well maybe the lady drivers have male trucks. They must be built at a different factory.
Well i am off to sleep and dream of shiny chrome and new vinyl. And a seat without ass marks.

Winter is on the way! Run and hide


It's winter in Canada ! And the gentle breezes blow's

Seventy miles an hour

At thirty-five below.

Oh, how I love Canada

When the snow's up to your butt

You take a breath of winter

And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful

So I guess I'll hang around

I could never leave Canada

(I'm frozen to the friggin' ground!)

Thursday, October 27, 2011

A special time off

Oh boy oh boy I am at the ferry terminal and I am going home.
And I haven't even been gone a month. This must be a mistake.
I will get to be the second house on the block with Christmas lights this year.
Darn my retired neighbor he has the upper hand on me again.
So come on boat lets Go I want to get  home.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Still sitting in Savannah

Well ten hours at the port of Savannah Ga. And i got loaded but I cannot leave US Customs are dragging their feet. I love dealing with government agencies. Its as much fun as scrubbing out an out house and that's not much fun.
The helicopter above is the same as the one I loaded today  it is from the Japanese Coast Guard.
It was damaged in the tsunami and is on its way to the shop in Vancouver BC.
And yes its weird that it found its way to the Atlantic. Seeing that Japan is on the Pacific Ocean.
But why question the logic the farther away they ship it the more they have to pay me to go get it.
So lets keep shipping stuff to the east coast Sweet Pea needs a diamond.

Truck Driver lingo 101

My beloved wife has pointed out to me that I have been using terms that myself as a truck driver may know. But the general public may not know what the heck I am saying. So let me enlighten you. Welcome to trucker speak 101. Have a seat and lets begin out foray into the colourful world of trucker lingo
Alligator- Blown Tire In Road

Alligator Radio- CB With “ALL Mouth

and NO Ears”

Ankle Biter- Small Child

Antler Alley -Deer Crossing

Baby Bear- Rookie Cop

Back Door- Behind You

Back Door Closed- Rear Of Convoy Covered From Police

Back ‘em Up- Slow Down

Backslide- Return Trip

Back Off The Hammer- Slow Down

Back Out- Driver Has Finished Talking

Bear- Police Officer

Barefoot -Using An Unmodified CB

Base Station- Radio At A Fixed Location

Bear In The Air- Police In Helicopter

Bear Bait- Speeding Car

Bear Cave- Police Station

Bear Trap- Stationary Police W/Radar

Beaver- Female

Bean Popper- Pill Popper

Big R- Roadway Express Truck

Bikini State- Florida

Big Slab OR Big Road -Interstate

Better Half -Significant Other (Wife)

Blew My Doors Off- Passed With Great Speed

Catch Ya On The Flip Flop- See Ya On Return Trip

Full Grown Bear- Highway Patrol

County Mounty- Sheriff

Clean Shot- Road Is Clear Of Police Ahead

City Kitty- City Police

Comin In Loud &and Proud- Strong CB Signal

Bulldog- Mack Truck

Bumper Sticker- Car Too Close To Bumper

Cash Register -Toll Booth

Chicken Coup- Weigh Station

Chicken Lights- Extra Lights On A Truck

Comedian- Center Median Strip

Comic Book- Trucker’s Log Book

Covered Wagon- Flatbed Truck With Sides And A Top Cover

Diesel Cop- DOT

Better Half- Spouse

Big Road- Interstate

Bird Dog- Radar Detector

Big Hole- Top Gear

Bobtail- Driving Tractor With

NO Trailer Attached

Brake Check- Traffic Is Slowing Ahead, Possibly To A Stop

Break- Need Others To Quit Talking On CB To Ask A Question

Chicken Coup- Weigh Station

Crotch Rocket- Motorcycle

Deadhead- Drive An Empty Truck and Trailer To Get A Load Elsewhere

Dispatcher Brains- Hauling A Very Light OR Empty Trailer

Dragon Fly -A Truck Who “Drags” Up a Hill And “Flies” Down

Double Nickel 55- Miles Per Hour

Dry Box- A Plain Freight Trailer With NO Refrigerator, etc.

Evil Kenevil- Motorcycle Cop

Flip Flop- U-turn OR Return Trip

Four Wheeler- Car

Freight Shaker- Freightliner Truck

Georgia Overdrive -Put Into Neutral Going Down A Hill To Increase Speed

Good Buddy- Now Used As A Term For A Homosexual

Granny Lane- Slow Lane

Greasy Side Up- A Car With It’s Wheels In The Air

Ground Pressure- Weight Of A Truck

Hammer Lane- Left Lane [Fast Lane]

Hammer Down- Move Faster

Hand -Driver

Handle- CB Nickname

Home 20 -Your Home

Landline- Wired Telephone

Large Car- Very Fast, Nice Truck

Left Coast- West Coast

Meat-wagon- Ambulance

Motion Lotion- Diesel

Parking Lot- A Truck Hauling Cars

Pickle Park= Rest Area

Pole Cat -Skunk

Radio Check- Does My Radio Work?

Sesame Street- CB Channel 19

Salt Shaker- Snow Plow

Shooting You In The Back- Police Who Is Backed Up Out Of Sight Hitting You With Radar Where You Can’t See

Short Short- Short Time

Shake The Bushes- Run Ahead Of Others To Lure Out The Bears

Stand On It- Stand On The Fuel Pedal

Taking Pictures- Police Using Radar

10-4- OK/Copy

10-33- Emergency

10-20 -Location

10-36 -What Is Correct Time

Travel Agent -Dispatcher

Triple Digit Ride- Truck That Can

Exceed 100 MPH

Turkey Day -Thanksgiving

Yard- Trucking Terminal

Yard Stick- Mile Marker

Wally World- Wal-Mart

Wiggle Wagons- Double OR Triple Trailer Trucks

Seat cover- a pretty lady in a car

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The dead post

Today is a very sad day the blog post of the century died today.
It was a thing of genius.
You would have laughed and you would have cried.
You would have nominated me for a Pulitzer Prize it was so good.
But sadly I am a mental midget with Microsoft office and Ive lost it.
So my true talent will not be revealed and you get this instead.
Sorry to disappoint you all I will try again later to recreate it.
Until then lets all mourn the loss.
So long post I will miss you.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Dead heading across America

Hello if you can picture in your mind a little truck driving across the map that red line is what I am off to do. And I get to do it with a load of sailboat fuel (air). Nothing on the trailer seems crazy eh! We used to call dead heading (running unloaded) hauling dispatcher brains.But that's cruel and besides  I like my dispatcher. Well I would love to chat but the truck isn't going to take herself to Georgia so I better get rolling.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I survived

The team run is over and I am glad. The truck I was in had more rattles than a Mexican marching band. Its shinny and good looking but its in need of a little T.L.C. inside. Even with earplugs in I could here it rattle. so this post will be short I am sleep deprived and need to catch up. So the good news is i survived and I didn't even create havoc in mikes clean world. I am very proud of myself for that. Now goodnight all.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Finally on the way

After four days waiting in the yard the engine finally passed its test and I am on my way. Boy truck driving is a lot of fun. It is so much fun I feel guilt that they pay me. Not! Well wish me luck with the fuss pot. Its going to be like Oscar and Felix for the next three days.

Friday, October 7, 2011


An early Christmas this year i get a new truck soon. AH the smell of new vinyl. Oh how sweet it is.

Oh what fun a team run

I am off to run team( two drivers in a truck) oh that's SO much fun. Twenty four hours a day of driving and sleeping in a moving truck. Its a whole new layer of hell. And the topper is its not in my own truck. So I will be a guest in some one Else's little home. Good thing the driver suffers from O.C.D. and is a fuss pot about clean. That should be fun. Well its only 3000 miles so three days and then I fly home. And that is another exciting part of my job. How many long haul drivers get paid to fly around. Sometimes it feels like I am in the jet set. Maybe I should keep my pinkie up. Well happy motoring and wish me luck.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

What happened to me?

Well tonight is a Saturday night and I've spent the last two hours staring into the dark and fog on a two lane road. Trying to spot moose and deer before I run into them. And it occurred to me that at one point in my life that a Saturday night used to mean something to me. When did it change? when did I stop looking forward to tonight? I came of age in the 1980's and I can remember getting gussied up and slapping on my Polo cologne and heading out with my army buddies to swoon the ladies. It never worked the night always ended with a bunch of drunks in the White Castle drive thru with an irate cab driver. But youthful optimism always had us out there the next weekend thinking our charms would work this time. So at some point that changed but when? Yes I grew up got married and had children and responsibility's. But what doesn't explain where my youthful optimism went.                                                   

In all reality I cannot dance and never could. But once upon a time I used to be pretty good at the white man overbite. That's dancing in place while pumping your arm while bobbing your head. trust me it was big in the 80s. I wish I could reclaim the love of Saturday night. No not those nights of long ago. No not them. But a love of Saturday now. I could take my wife for a drink and do a little white man overbite. I am sure it will still have the erotic power it had years ago.The only difference is she is married to me so she will have to go home with me. So no more White Castle for me. Maybe its not to late maybe the middle aged man I see in the mirror should stop acting his age. After all we only live once.

Friday, September 23, 2011

American elections

The United States presidential elections are over a year away and already they dominate the news with their belly button gazing. You would think the time money and effort would be better spent fixing the problems that exist today. Not worrying about who will be in the white house in two years. Its like fighting on the bridge of the Titanic about who will be the next captain. Unless you save the ship it doesnt mean anything. So I will get a life jacket and stay by the life boats and hope for the best. But I know we are not going to get it. When politicians are involved you know common sense is not so common.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Going Home

The gods are smiling down on me and I will be heading home. Oh yes please send me that way I could use the break!!!!! All work  and no play makes for a real lousy marriage. so within days I should be home and for many days I will be Dad or husband. Not hey Driver. Life is sweet.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Good bye you little freaks

Hello fall cooler nights and shorter days. It means the end of the pests of summer.  long live fall! I wish to bid farewell to the flying blood suckers. Cant say you will be missed but you already know I hate you don't you? So as you go into hiding for winter I will put the fly swatter away and enjoy a good nights sleep.

What I did this Summer

As summer draws to a close. I look back at the summer that never was. No time was spent at home. The only part of summer that was really fun was the two weeks I got to take my youngest son on the road with me. That was a real treat, a Cross Canada trip from sea to shining sea and back. We saw the whole kit and caboodle. My little world, about the size of your bathroom. was filled with two men. One a little younger but still bigger than me. I loved the company, though the thing I struggled with was the chaos another person creates in a well organised world. It was as if his suitcase vomited the contents every morning. But for all of that and the noise (who knew teenagers never quit talking) it was the greatest experience of my parental life to date. I got to share my job and time with my son, Something I've never done. We live in a great big country and it seemed smaller traveling with someone. I would do it again in a second and will next summer. But I can say it takes twice as long to put your world back together after they leave as the amount of time you had them. And this notion that they ( teenagers) need to eat. Ha! that's all they do. I feel sympathy towards my wife the overworked Food Lady. Its tough to work all day then feed them too. What do they want? Well it seems everything. Thank you son for spending two glorious weeks with me and all the laughs along the way. The time will always be special to me. And if you know where my stapler is let me know, its still M.I.A

Sunday, August 28, 2011

WTH, did I drive back in time to 1970?

How did this happen? I have no idea at all. It blows my mind that I have some how time traveled back into the 70s. I find myself at the 24 hour cafe in Long Beach, Ca. This place was last remodeled in about 1973 and its been a long down hill slide since then. Its locked in time, the tables still have the little TVs on them and phones. Man, that brings back bad memories of line ups at the pay phone to call into dispatch every morning. Ya myself and every other driver.And if it was busy when you called you went to the back of the line to try again. But the thing that blows my mind, is the pay toilet. Thats right... pay to pee. Hows that for a money maker? I had to pay .25 cents each time and that can add up over a couple of days. Also paying $10 to park every night. I will never learn. I find these places and like a fool I will say to myself, ''ahh it will be fine'.' Well self.... you are a fool. The parking lot had a lizard (ladies of the night) problem. Though telling the waitress about it helps to fix the situation. She told them I was not an interested party. Thank God for small favors. This place and I  hopefully will never meet again. So long Time Warp.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

For sale one slightly used Truck Driver. I have more than two point five million miles on me and the chassis is a little worn. But all in all I am a good find for a company that is willing to treat me right and send me home on a regular basis.... I am well trained and even house broken though I rarely ever enter a house. But once inside I take to it like a fish to water. So come on all you trucking companys put in your offers and lets see what we can do. Be the first one to own your very own vintage 1968 Truck Driver. Your competitors will be green with envy. But remember its a package deal you also receive a wife and two sons whom the driver needs to see on a regular basis. Other wise you have just bought yourself a Cranky Ass Driver and no one wants one of those. What a deal

Sunday, July 17, 2011

The Insidious Mosquito

Hello folks you are looking at the one creature that no one and i repeat no one could ever love not even its own mother. The dastardly mosquito the bain of my existence in northern Canada. He may look small and insignificant but trust me he is evil to the core the little blood sucking terror has highly developed predatory skills. They work in packs to track and to distract you one will fly about your head and while you swat at the dare devil his twenty Friends are feasting on your legs. They are pure evil genius and we need to stop them. I propose we round them up one and all and deport then some where we don't like. I am not sure where just yet because there is no where I dislike enough to unleash the swarm on. And a final thought on the blood sucking beast what is it with the sadistic desire it has to hide out until the lights go out then buzz around your head. You lay there teeth gritted knowing the moment you turn  the lights on the little bugger will vanish only to reappear as soon as you turn the light out. All in all the most evil creature that exists and i can only hope that the one day extinction will be sooner as opposed to later.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Dear Tourist

Hello my traveling tourist and vacationer. I am the large vehicle in your rear view mirror. And  I just wanted to inform you that I am at work and your temporally in my work place. And as such maybe you should think about sharing the road in a manner that is consistent with both our needs. Yes your on your annual road trip of fun and frivolity and that's just peachy with me have a blast and enjoy yourself. But like I said I am at my job my work my employment my way of earning a living I am not on a cross country trip of a lifetime. Nope that's not what I am up too and I ask you to PLEASE do the speed limit. You can still marvel at the wondrous things there are to see at 90 km as you can at 80 km. Oh and a little thought on that doing 80 km on the two lanes and 110 km in the passing lanes is a bad idea I may start wishing bad thoughts about you your mother and your mothers marital status when you where born. Let me and the other working folks pass in the passing lanes and as fast as you can say lickity split I will be gone on down the road and you can continue racking up those thrilling memories of your super duper vacation and I will not be a part of your vacation memories. Dear do you remember the angry irate truck driver who wanted to tear your toenails out? No drive friendly and that will never happen. And if all else fails we go back to you being in my work place how would you like me to show up at your job and rearrange the paperwork on your desk as your trying to work it would be darn annoying wouldn't it. So lets be Friends I will drive carefully and considerately and you do the same and we both enjoy the summer. And have a great road trip and i look forward to seeing you on the road.

The farm report, Jesus and Ontario

I will warn you in advance that this one is going to go all over the place. There is much on my mind today and I need to release the pressure or I may snap. I will start with Jesus and cattle. You may ask what in the world do these seemingly unrelated things have in common. Well my Friends let me enlighten you they are the state of radio in North America. Yep cattle and Christ dominate the airways. I recently stopped getting Sirius satellite radio after five years and have had to go back to AM, FM radio and depending where you are in the continent you have your choice of cattle or Christ I now know the price of every domestically raised animal and grain thanks to the farm report. If you need to know the state of the soybean market I am know your man. And my soul is closer to salvation than it has ever been Jesus dominates the low end of the FM spectrum But He also appears in the top too so beware He is everywhere. I have no problem with religion of any kind but if I am driving twelve hours a day it gets a little trying. Man do I miss satellite radio.
And now on to Ontario I am going to start a campaign to slice this province into half. No province should be 1300 miles to drive thru that's 2100 km for you metric folks out there.And that's all two lane roads heading from Ottawa to Manitoba 1200 frigging miles of two lane roads.Oh it has the lofty title of THE TRANS CANADA HIGHWAY but don't you believe it it should be called the washboard kidney killing trail! It would be a great place for truck makers to destruction test their vehicles to see what kind of component life they should expect out of their products. Because if there is a design flaw highway 11 and 17 will find it. So my idea is simple seeing as Ontario is so large we cut it in half and name the top part Bob. Bob will give us a sense of accomplishment that we have made it thru Ontario and we are making progress. And Bob being its own province it will free up government resources that currently naval gazing Ontario (Toronto) spend mostly in the south. So think my idea over it makes a lot of sense and it would give us a new province to boot that should liven up the Parliament. i will bet Bob and the old Ontario don't vote the same party line anyways.

Sunday, July 10, 2011


Just a quick thought for the state of California why don't you round up and cage the highway workers as opposed to putting signs all about the state warning us of there existence. If they pose such a risk for the motoring public maybe we should eradicate them. I personally do not believe in their existence as you have as much a chance of seeing Bigfoot patching a pothole in the highway as one of these mystical highway workers. The thousands of orange barrels you casually spread across the interstate system to give the appearance of work are in fact doing nothing more than making my life hell. And are in no way repairing the roads unless the highway workers secretly hatch out of the barrels and fix the road in the dead of night. So stop the scam turn off the signs and stop trying to scare us with your non existent Highway workers. Besides your broke and you could save money on the wasted electricity.

Guns And Squirrel

Well the sign above says it all. On a recent trip to Detroit Mi the customer and or the city had posted this sign on the building. And I myself was glad to see it that meant that at least in theory i was going to be safe when i slept there. I mean what gun and drug toting gang banger was going to ignore the powers to be and blatantly walk around with bad stuff near this sign?  Its like kryptonite to gang bangers i wanted to remove the sign and travel around with it in other city's that it would come in handy. Such as Memphis, Miami, Chicago, Los Angeles and New York. Maybe i can go a step further and paint this on my truck then i would be safe everywhere. Genius why did i never think of this before.
 Well the signs magic powers worked i survived unmolested in Detroit the only shady creature i met was a city squirrel who amused me with his dumpster diving skills this little fellow had more attitude than any angry youth in poor fitting pants that i have ever met and he appears to live large on left over lunches. He had a four course meal right there in urban luxury. So all in all a great night i did not become a statistic about urban crime in the Detroit metro area and i met a surly squirrel who helped pass the time. I did get to meet some local youth when I walked to the 7 11 before dark and they where very pleasant and suggested if I was to get a slushy that the cherry koolaid was the bomb. In the interest of harmony I indeed got the cherry koolaid and if the bomb is good then yes it was.

Monday, June 13, 2011

My Day

Well the day started well I was up on time and on the road well within my schedule. When surprise surprise the day became some thing out of a worse case scenario book. Some body decided that slamming into a stopped car at 0700 am was a great thing to do. And then it being interstate 81 in Virginia the traffic backed up for seven miles at least that's where I was sitting in line. It was backed up well behind me so thousands of people got to relax and fume on the highway with me. Two and a half hours wasted and I will not get it back. Days like today can really throw off your groove because not only do you sit on the highway for hours watching a little rug rat picking his nose. But once you begin creeping and then move again your stuck in a pack of a thousand cars and trucks all wanting to make up lost time. So the madness and mayhem begins and you have gone from bored to scared for your live. There is nothing worse than a guy two hours late for work racing a family on vacation with a car full of restless kids and an agitated wife. They have no fear of an oversize load they do things that scare and amaze  me if I tried that my wife would kill me the semi would be the least of my worries. So my fellow motorist what can we learn from this RELAX when stopped on the highway and tell Junior to stop picking his nose and when we start moving remember your never going to get the lost time back so relax and go with the flow. My blood pressure will thank you.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Rain And Truck stops

Well what I have to say today may make you a little queasy but you need to know. Most people don't see the good in an afternoon rain shower. But as a truck driver i have a little different slant on it. I see it as a great thing its mother nature flushing the urinal. Yes you read that right the URINAL. It seems that some drivers are much to exhausted to walk all the way to the truck stop so urinating around and on their trucks is the order of the day. It is like a pack of wild dogs marking their territory. So granted on a 30 degrees day the lot does smell some thing terrible. Its just a thought but if they walked inside to do their business do you think they might walk off some of the excess weight? And when it rains you need a good down pour to wash the lot clean not a sprinkle that only reconstitutes the pee and that is worse. So my fellow drivers lets stop acting like wild wolves marking our manly territory. Walk your lazy ass inside and use the fancy porcelain urinal the truck stop installed and then don't forget to wash your hands. You pigs!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Confections of a Domestic Goddess: DOUBLE CHOCOLATE SCONES

Hello all who happen along my blog please check this one out. The baking here is the best in the world i can attest to that as I have intimate knowledge of the love and care that goes into it. So go give it a look and don't blame me if you drool on yourselves                                                                                              Confections of a Domestic Goddess: DOUBLE CHOCOLATE SCONES: "

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Why Truck Drivers Need A Sense Of humor

After twenty three years of driving a truck I have come to the conclusion that the thing you need most to survive in this industry is a sense of humor. You spend most of your time dealing with stressed and harried folks that think that your going to destroy what ever your loading on the trailer. Approaching them with confidence and professionalism does not always work but I have found that a sense of humor works all the time. It makes you human to them and allows a more personal relationship. And being that you have formed a some what bond they feel a little more at ease. And of course after servicing a customer for a while the relationship will grow and working with the customer becomes a joy and something to look forward too. That being said a sense of humor also helps just coping with this job. Because nothing ever goes as planned if you think it will happen chances are it will not and the reverse is also true. Getting your britches in a knot every time will only give you an ulcer. But the ability to look at every thing with a twisted sense of humor allows you to laugh off most of the changes. So don't take everything so hard relax and laugh at the world any place this crazy should not be taken so serious.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Home again

The trucking gods have smiled on me and i have been around the house alot.The last couple of weeks. That Has worked out well as I have got to spend some time with Sweet pea and the boys. But i need to get back to work and make some money. Spring is finally here and i want to go enjoy it before all the tourists invade the countryside. The bears are already out and about. I saw a few brown bears mucking about in the ditch on the way home from Edmonton last week. And its nice to be around home right now as the Stanley cup finals began last night its nice to be where they are pumped up for the play offs. GO CANUCKS. Once i cross the border Friday the energy will be gone Arizona is not a place to get hyped on hockey. Well i am off to enjoy my day at home. Try to enjoy yours

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Weekend in the south

Greetings from Jackson Tn. I find myself with the day off in beautiful and sunny Jackson. Oh lucky me I am really getting an entertaining weekend and there was no admission charge. I would first like to address the wearing of  camo. I can see the point in it  while I was in the army it made a lot of sense I could blend in with my environment and no one could find me to shoot me. But everyday wear is camo really the best choice to make. One could argue that if you where to run over a camo wearing dude in the parking lot that you could not be held responsible as you thought it was a bush blowing across the lot. Seems to me that a safety vest would be a better fashion choice and a big red flashing light on your ball cap and it would not be overkill in the large truck stops to have a fog horn. Some drivers seem to take it as a personal challenge to see how many gears they can shift from the parking stall to the exit and man nor animal is going to stand in their way. But back to the camo if you must wear it so we all know your a he man hunter dude please don't mix and match patterns. Desert and woodland with a mossy oak cap is just plain confusing. What the heck are you trying to say you couldn't hide any where with that get up. But the best I saw was at the buffet last night BUFFET CAMO. Now i am not sure it is commercially produced or it was the aftermath of a extremely vigorous meal but it was impressive nun the less. I can see it being a great success in certain circles. The saving on laundry alone would justify the cost because no one could tell when it was dirty. This may be my million dollar idea its genius i will sleep on it and maybe tomorrow i will become a very wealthy man.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Sweaty and sunburned in Tucson AZ

Hello friends i escaped winter so i will not complain about the excessive heat. Like i keep hearing its a dry heat. Like that makes it alright. but its not cold and snowing so i will enjoy that. waiting to load down here as usual i am on time but the rest of the world rarely is. time to work on my spring burn so when i get home people will ask if i was on vacation. My sweet pea has been busy like a beaver baking up a storm i sure wish i was there for all of that. Brownies, meringue  and a angel food cake the pics are great but i sure crave a bite of her baking. Well within a month i should be home and then i will eat. Thursday i should load and leave Paradise so until then i will pretend i am on a tropical vacation. bet you wish you where here. Bye for now

Friday, March 25, 2011

Northern California nightmare

Well before you ask how was my day let the sign above answer that for you. It sucked not a little suck like you would do thru a straw. A large deep down in your diaphragm suck like your going deep diving and may not be back for air for a while. Chain up in northern California to drive on wet roads. The brain dead geeks at cal trans can burn in a special place in hell. But that's all behind me now sun and heat await in the Arizona desert. Sunburn city it will feel good to have the sun on my head. Winter can kiss my pasty white ass i have had enough. My sweet pea has been busy creating at home gluten free treats are being created. Cupcakes and brownies and I'm not there as usual. But i get the pics so that's ok. And yes that's cotton candy on top man i want one. well sleep beckons have a great day eh.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Superbowl In Winnipeg MB

Well what perfect weather for football -20 and light snow. Great to be inside in front of the tube. While i watched the game in the drivers room of the flying j. My beloved Sweet Pea was baking her pretty brains out back at home. She created these football cakes for the big game. my boy and in laws got to enjoy them and i got to drool at a picture. Life is not fair. And to add insult to injury the sandwiches looked to good to be true.The Carma  that i have accumulated must all be bad and i must have been very bad in my past life. To have access to such good food and be denied is a cruel cruel fate.

Friday, February 4, 2011

captive in hell

I am an unwilling prisoner in a hellish place called Winnipeg. What sick individual on his way west to riches and fame got to this hell hole and looked around and said holy shit this is the place lets settle here. This proves my point that not all settlers in Canada where bright. Some where to stupid or lazy to go the next 1400 miles to the glory land. Speaking of that far off utopia that is where i was hoping to be this weekend. But alas i am here with the weak descendants of lazy settlers hunkered down in the cold and snow. Maybe its good they are all here the cold weather will reduce the sperm count and the blood line will die out and then there will be no need to do more than drive thru as fast as you can while on the way to some place that has more than two seasons. Winter and bugs. But i jest i love you Winnipeg i love you in my rearview morror.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Parowan ut

Heading north into winter the fates have turned against me. My winter sunburn will fade fast in Winnipeg but there is nothing i can do about it. The big brain said to go there so i am going. I was hoping for a winter without winter but such is life. The day i get home to Sweet pea cant come too soon but it always seems to be pushed back. I always try too tell myself that just makes the reunion sweeter and that's how i cope. That and screaming at the top of my lungs that the world sucks. That is a great stress reliever and it makes me feel good. Well that's all i am pooped and need sleep goodnight. And a picture of cinnamon buns to warm me up on this frigid night. Man i could go for one

Sunday, January 30, 2011

stuck in Ontario ca

Well what an unproductive day sitting her when there is work to be done. But  the big brains that control my life seem to be slow to act so here i sit.All this does is delay my home time and i havent been home since boxing day this is getting a little tedious. well the longer i am gone the more i look forward to being home. my Sweet pea will have something great created.last night it was a chi tea cake that by all accounts was excellent i recieved a picture that i will share here. But like me you will not get to enjoy it. Pictures of food sure dont satisfy a craving but it sure feeds your hunger. It was a bad move for a man who loves baking to be a longhaul driver. That was not thought out too well thats for sure.Well thats all for now enjoy your day.