As Dr Seuss says oh the things you will see

Well my freinds this is a crazy and screwed up world we live in . And as i spend my working life as a long haul driver i get to see a side of the world most of you cant see. I see all the citys in North America from the back side. Not the pretty side you see on tv but the real city hiding in the back streets and industrial parks. The true underbelly of the place what i like to call the swub. That means the soft white underbelly. So come along and see our world and the many characters that are hiding in plain site on your highways and roads. my fellow drivers and the supporting staff that keeps them going.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

A special time off

Oh boy oh boy I am at the ferry terminal and I am going home.
And I haven't even been gone a month. This must be a mistake.
I will get to be the second house on the block with Christmas lights this year.
Darn my retired neighbor he has the upper hand on me again.
So come on boat lets Go I want to get  home.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Still sitting in Savannah

Well ten hours at the port of Savannah Ga. And i got loaded but I cannot leave US Customs are dragging their feet. I love dealing with government agencies. Its as much fun as scrubbing out an out house and that's not much fun.
The helicopter above is the same as the one I loaded today  it is from the Japanese Coast Guard.
It was damaged in the tsunami and is on its way to the shop in Vancouver BC.
And yes its weird that it found its way to the Atlantic. Seeing that Japan is on the Pacific Ocean.
But why question the logic the farther away they ship it the more they have to pay me to go get it.
So lets keep shipping stuff to the east coast Sweet Pea needs a diamond.

Truck Driver lingo 101

My beloved wife has pointed out to me that I have been using terms that myself as a truck driver may know. But the general public may not know what the heck I am saying. So let me enlighten you. Welcome to trucker speak 101. Have a seat and lets begin out foray into the colourful world of trucker lingo
Alligator- Blown Tire In Road

Alligator Radio- CB With “ALL Mouth

and NO Ears”

Ankle Biter- Small Child

Antler Alley -Deer Crossing

Baby Bear- Rookie Cop

Back Door- Behind You

Back Door Closed- Rear Of Convoy Covered From Police

Back ‘em Up- Slow Down

Backslide- Return Trip

Back Off The Hammer- Slow Down

Back Out- Driver Has Finished Talking

Bear- Police Officer

Barefoot -Using An Unmodified CB

Base Station- Radio At A Fixed Location

Bear In The Air- Police In Helicopter

Bear Bait- Speeding Car

Bear Cave- Police Station

Bear Trap- Stationary Police W/Radar

Beaver- Female

Bean Popper- Pill Popper

Big R- Roadway Express Truck

Bikini State- Florida

Big Slab OR Big Road -Interstate

Better Half -Significant Other (Wife)

Blew My Doors Off- Passed With Great Speed

Catch Ya On The Flip Flop- See Ya On Return Trip

Full Grown Bear- Highway Patrol

County Mounty- Sheriff

Clean Shot- Road Is Clear Of Police Ahead

City Kitty- City Police

Comin In Loud &and Proud- Strong CB Signal

Bulldog- Mack Truck

Bumper Sticker- Car Too Close To Bumper

Cash Register -Toll Booth

Chicken Coup- Weigh Station

Chicken Lights- Extra Lights On A Truck

Comedian- Center Median Strip

Comic Book- Trucker’s Log Book

Covered Wagon- Flatbed Truck With Sides And A Top Cover

Diesel Cop- DOT

Better Half- Spouse

Big Road- Interstate

Bird Dog- Radar Detector

Big Hole- Top Gear

Bobtail- Driving Tractor With

NO Trailer Attached

Brake Check- Traffic Is Slowing Ahead, Possibly To A Stop

Break- Need Others To Quit Talking On CB To Ask A Question

Chicken Coup- Weigh Station

Crotch Rocket- Motorcycle

Deadhead- Drive An Empty Truck and Trailer To Get A Load Elsewhere

Dispatcher Brains- Hauling A Very Light OR Empty Trailer

Dragon Fly -A Truck Who “Drags” Up a Hill And “Flies” Down

Double Nickel 55- Miles Per Hour

Dry Box- A Plain Freight Trailer With NO Refrigerator, etc.

Evil Kenevil- Motorcycle Cop

Flip Flop- U-turn OR Return Trip

Four Wheeler- Car

Freight Shaker- Freightliner Truck

Georgia Overdrive -Put Into Neutral Going Down A Hill To Increase Speed

Good Buddy- Now Used As A Term For A Homosexual

Granny Lane- Slow Lane

Greasy Side Up- A Car With It’s Wheels In The Air

Ground Pressure- Weight Of A Truck

Hammer Lane- Left Lane [Fast Lane]

Hammer Down- Move Faster

Hand -Driver

Handle- CB Nickname

Home 20 -Your Home

Landline- Wired Telephone

Large Car- Very Fast, Nice Truck

Left Coast- West Coast

Meat-wagon- Ambulance

Motion Lotion- Diesel

Parking Lot- A Truck Hauling Cars

Pickle Park= Rest Area

Pole Cat -Skunk

Radio Check- Does My Radio Work?

Sesame Street- CB Channel 19

Salt Shaker- Snow Plow

Shooting You In The Back- Police Who Is Backed Up Out Of Sight Hitting You With Radar Where You Can’t See

Short Short- Short Time

Shake The Bushes- Run Ahead Of Others To Lure Out The Bears

Stand On It- Stand On The Fuel Pedal

Taking Pictures- Police Using Radar

10-4- OK/Copy

10-33- Emergency

10-20 -Location

10-36 -What Is Correct Time

Travel Agent -Dispatcher

Triple Digit Ride- Truck That Can

Exceed 100 MPH

Turkey Day -Thanksgiving

Yard- Trucking Terminal

Yard Stick- Mile Marker

Wally World- Wal-Mart

Wiggle Wagons- Double OR Triple Trailer Trucks

Seat cover- a pretty lady in a car

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The dead post

Today is a very sad day the blog post of the century died today.
It was a thing of genius.
You would have laughed and you would have cried.
You would have nominated me for a Pulitzer Prize it was so good.
But sadly I am a mental midget with Microsoft office and Ive lost it.
So my true talent will not be revealed and you get this instead.
Sorry to disappoint you all I will try again later to recreate it.
Until then lets all mourn the loss.
So long post I will miss you.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Dead heading across America

Hello if you can picture in your mind a little truck driving across the map that red line is what I am off to do. And I get to do it with a load of sailboat fuel (air). Nothing on the trailer seems crazy eh! We used to call dead heading (running unloaded) hauling dispatcher brains.But that's cruel and besides  I like my dispatcher. Well I would love to chat but the truck isn't going to take herself to Georgia so I better get rolling.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I survived

The team run is over and I am glad. The truck I was in had more rattles than a Mexican marching band. Its shinny and good looking but its in need of a little T.L.C. inside. Even with earplugs in I could here it rattle. so this post will be short I am sleep deprived and need to catch up. So the good news is i survived and I didn't even create havoc in mikes clean world. I am very proud of myself for that. Now goodnight all.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Finally on the way

After four days waiting in the yard the engine finally passed its test and I am on my way. Boy truck driving is a lot of fun. It is so much fun I feel guilt that they pay me. Not! Well wish me luck with the fuss pot. Its going to be like Oscar and Felix for the next three days.

Friday, October 7, 2011


An early Christmas this year i get a new truck soon. AH the smell of new vinyl. Oh how sweet it is.

Oh what fun a team run

I am off to run team( two drivers in a truck) oh that's SO much fun. Twenty four hours a day of driving and sleeping in a moving truck. Its a whole new layer of hell. And the topper is its not in my own truck. So I will be a guest in some one Else's little home. Good thing the driver suffers from O.C.D. and is a fuss pot about clean. That should be fun. Well its only 3000 miles so three days and then I fly home. And that is another exciting part of my job. How many long haul drivers get paid to fly around. Sometimes it feels like I am in the jet set. Maybe I should keep my pinkie up. Well happy motoring and wish me luck.